I hate my life....i dunno what to do?

ii keep struggling with all the abuse mentaly and physical i went through as a kid i dont no why now it didnt used to bother me all these years i hate everything about myself my body my looks self worth i have none...i became a self harmer last year and even tho iv stopped since before xmas it really gets hard to find a reason why i stopped my mum thinks my sexuality is a phase or life choice and everytime i have somthing to say no one ever listens or they think im being dromatic i think it would be better off if i died or atleast went into hospital i know thats selfish but i dont no how to tell people that every time i wake up i feel like crying and i dont no why !!!! i dont even have a job im a waster full stop!